Oscillate Wildly
by sariagray
Summary: A look at Jack and Ianto's relationship using songs from The Smiths. Warnings: Sexual content, language, canon character death.


**Title**: Oscillate Wildly**  
****Characters/Pairings**: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Alonso (brief), Team  
**Rating**: R/M  
**Word Count**: ~1000  
**Spoilers**: Cyberwoman, Exit Wounds, Day Four, End of Time (Dr Who)  
**Warnings**: Language, sex, canon character deaths  
**Disclaimer**: Belongs to RTD, the BBC, and anyone else who may own them. I make no money.  
**Author's Note**: The songs used are by The Smiths and include "Shoplifters of the World Unite," "There is a Light That Never Goes Out," and "Asleep." The title comes from "Oscillate Wildly," also by The Smiths. Originally posted to my LiveJournal of the same name.

* * *

**Oscillate Wildly**

**Unite**

**I.**

_Learn to love me  
Assemble the ways  
Now, today, tomorrow and always  
My only weakness is a list of crime  
My only weakness is ... well, never mind, never mind_

He has a plan. And a back-up plan. And _another _back-up, and even an emergency protocol if everything _else_ fails miserably. But, fuck it all to hell, he has to use every trick he can. He has to make himself necessary, slipping into the cracks and crevices of this man's soul.

And yes, he's heard about him before. He _was_ Torchwood, after all; he will always _be_ Torchwood. Who there _hadn't _heard of him? For fuck's sake, the nefarious Captain even (jokingly, he thinks, he _hopes_) made it to Lisa's "10 Celebrities" list. He laughs drily as he thinks about that and the pillow he playfully threw at her when she told him and how he pointed out that Jack Harkness was _not_ a celebrity and how she giggled and said, "Well, he might as well be!"

He's strong, but his heart leaps a little because everything's at stake, and he can't help thinking that this whole thing is such a ridiculous Greek tragedy - Orpheus entering the Underworld.

As he looks around the Hub for the first time, he finds the metaphor sickeningly apropos.

**II.**  
_Oh, shoplifters of the world  
Unite and take over  
Shoplifters of the world  
Hand it over  
Hand it over  
Hand it over  
_

"I think Ianto could run this place blindfolded," Jack announces early one morning, flashing the newest recruit a bright grin.

"With an arm tied behind his back," Suzie agrees as she blissfully sips the perfect cup of coffee.

Ianto smiles charmingly and allows a faint blush to creep over his cheeks and inside his heart is breaking even more than it was before. Because now it's not just Lisa; he faces damnation every way he turns.

"- you seen the Archives lately?" Tosh smiles warmly at him. "He's a genius! I don't know how you found him, Jack, but bravo!"

"Actually," Jack winks at him as he turns to his technician, "he found _me_."

And his heart breaks that much more.

**III.**_  
A heartless hand on my shoulder  
A push - and it's over  
Alabaster crashes down  
(Six months is a long time)  
Tried living in the real world  
Instead of a shell  
But before I began ...  
I was bored before I even began_

If he pretends it's all a means to an end, if he gets _really_ Machiavellian about it, this becomes as mundane and meaningless as bringing the man a coffee. And Ianto can be pretty damn Machiavellian if he sets his mind to it.

And he doesn't think he's shaking, but if he _is_ then he's sure that Jack just attributes it to nerves. Well, it _is_ nerves, isn't it? But not the way Jack's assuming as the man's large hands twine themselves through his hair.

It's not so bad, really, because at least Jack makes it interesting and reciprocates and has some level of affection in his eyes. Actually, Ianto considers suddenly, that makes it much worse. And with Jack's cock pressing down his throat and choking off his airway, he can't help thinking, "Sorry, Lisa, I got there first."

**Light**

**I.**

_Take me out tonight  
Where there's music and there's people  
Who are young and alive  
Driving in your car  
I never never want to go home  
Because I haven't got one anymore_

Jack's been through it before; the death and the self-loathing and the blame. Fatality hangs over him like a cloak; Ianto and Gwen are off clinging to each other because he knows he reeks of decay and they need something _alive_. He wonders, fleetingly, if they'll have sex later. He wonders, too, if he's the one who taught them how to use it as a coping mechanism, because it was never supposed to be that way and he feels the need to blame himself for as many things as possible tonight.

But then Ianto walks straight into the office without pause, without _knocking_. He presses a hand to Jack's shoulder, a silent comfort, and makes himself useful.

And Jack finds that he can't speak. He can't offer comfort and he can't ask for it and he just can't open his fucking mouth for anything. So he types instead, grateful when he feels Ianto's attention turn to the computer screen.

As he finishes his last sentence, he looks up hesitantly. Ianto's standing there with his greatcoat and a nod.

**II.**  
_Take me out tonight  
Because I want to see people  
And I want to see life  
Driving in your car  
Oh please don't drop me home  
Because it's not my home, it's their home  
And I'm welcome no more_

They can all feel the ghosts in the Hub, so Gwen is soon fleeing, too. Without thinking, she's already asked Owen if he has any sweets hidden and she's called Tosh over to her computer twice. Neither of them respond, even though their presences can be felt so _solidly_.

Jack wants to just relinquish the whole damn building to them and Suzie and every other poor soul and never come back. He's failed them completely; he _can't_ come back. He wonders if Ianto would notice if he stayed at his flat indefinitely. Then he realizes that he'd been doing just that for the past few weeks and Ianto hasn't said a thing about it. Jack reaches over and grabs his hand in gratitude. Ianto gives a slight imperceptible squeeze and doesn't let go.

**III.**  
_And if a double-decker bus  
Crashes in to us  
To die by your side  
Is such a heavenly way to die _

_And if a ten ton truck  
Kills the both of us  
To die by your side  
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine_

"Where are we going?" Jack finally asks, a fake smile plastered on his face.

Ianto pulls up to a red light and glances over at him. Jack's smile falters, but only because he realizes that he doesn't _have_ to pretend.

"Where do you _want _to go?"

A lorry honks impatiently behind him, but Ianto doesn't make a single indication that he's going to move until Jack answers him.

"Doesn't matter," Jack shrugs.

"Then that's where we're going."

And Jack wants to laugh and he wants to cry and it's all so beautiful at night, even though the city is bustling in an attempt to pull itself back together. It dawns on him that someday he'll lose Ianto, too. This man, sitting here right _now_, won't be there to comfort him; he's not sure he can deal with that inevitability. He just wants to die. He just wants to _die_.

**IV.**_  
There is a light that never goes out  
There is a light that never goes out  
There is a light that never goes out  
There is a light that never goes out_

But then he catches Ianto watching him out of the corner of his eye and he doesn't want to die anymore. Not now. Not really.

**Asleep**

**I.**

_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I'm tired and I  
I want to go to bed  
Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
And then leave me alone  
Don't try to wake me in the morning  
'Cause I will be gone_

His first thought, when realization dawns, is "Oh _FUCK_."

His second thought is that Jack's there. Right _there_. And he doesn't know what Jack will do, but Ianto hopes that the Captain's learned from his mistake with Owen. And then he decides that these are very pointless things to think if he's going to be dead soon.

**II.**_  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I will feel so glad to go  
_

He isn't sure if he's trying to reassure _Jack_ with his words, or himself. But he's being honest and Jack is, too, and that's all he's ever really wanted. And at least he doesn't have to spend any more time jumping at shadows, thinking, "Is this it? Is _this_ when I die?" At least it's over now and at least Jack is here. At least.

**III.**_  
There is another world  
There is a better world  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well ..._

The last thing he feels is Jack's lips on his and Jack's arm around his waist. The last thing he thinks is a prayer that someone will be there when Jack comes back. The last thing he refuses to believe is that everything is darkness from now on.

Ianto is never going to know it, being dead, but days later while sorting through Ianto's things, Jack finds a CD that he'd never noticed, tucked in a computer manual of all places. But then, it makes sense, too. And Jack plays it and aches so much that standing again seems impossible.

Months later, as he leaves Gwen and Rhys alone on a hilltop, a snatch of a song from that CD runs through his head. _There is another world, there is a better world._ "There must be…." he whispers.

Gwen looks at him curiously through teary eyes, but he's already gone.

And after the Doctor leaves him (_again_, but he doesn't have the energy to care now) and Jack puts his arm around some anonymous man whose silence is more burdensome than comforting, another lyric echoes loudly within his mind. _Six months is a long time - tried living in the real world instead of a shell, but before I began…I was bored before I even began._

And with his cock pressing down this stranger's throat and choking off his airway, Jack can't help thinking that sex really doesn't help anyone cope at all.

**The End**


End file.
